如何赢得与幼儿的争论
How to win an argument with a toddler

原始链接: https://seths.blog/2025/04/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-toddler/

真正的论证,即指那些能够带来新的洞见并可能改变观点的思想交流,是少见的。许多被贴上“争论”标签的互动,实际上是试图建立联系、展示权力或争取地位的表现,而非真正的智力交锋。 关键的区别在于是否愿意根据新信息改变自己的想法。如果你从未改变立场,那么你可能并没有进行真正的论证。相反,你可能是在与那些像幼儿一样,更关注赢输而不是学习的人打交道。 这些“幼儿式”的争论者通常会预备一场“耍赖”,如果他们输了就会使出来。一场真正的论证始于开放的态度。可以通过询问对方过去观点转变的例子,或询问什么信息可能会改变他们的观点来开启真正的对话。最好避免争论与他人身份认同密切相关的信念,因为这些信念不太可能改变。

Hacker News 上的一篇讨论帖围绕一篇关于与幼儿争论的文章展开,并将这一概念扩展到那些持有固定观点的成年人。评论者们就争论的真正目的展开了辩论:是交换观点、探索自身的理解,还是为了说服对方。 一些用户强调了善意参与和善意解读的重要性,认为智力上的谦逊和对新证据的开放态度对于个人成长至关重要。另一些人则告诫不要轻易被他人左右,指出被灌输思想的风险。 一个主要的争论点在于思想是否应该“形成定见”,一些人认为固定的观点会阻碍智力探索。反驳观点则强调拥有经过充分论证的立场的重要性,以及即使是“形成定见”的思想也可能被新的信息所挑战。另一位用户指出,文章混淆了两种类型的争论:一种是关于具体行为的争论(例如刷牙),另一种是旨在改变深层信念的争论,并指出真正的信仰改变是罕见且多方面的。

原文

You can’t.

That’s because toddlers don’t understand what an argument is and aren’t interesting in having one.

Toddlers (which includes defensive bureaucrats, bullies, flat earthers, folks committed to a specific agenda and radio talk show hosts) may indicate that they’d like to have an argument, but they’re actually engaging in connection, noise, play acting or a chance to earn status. It can be fun to be in opposition, to harangue or even to use power to change someone’s position.

An argument, though, is an exchange of ideas that ought to surface insight and lead to a conclusion.

If you’re regularly having arguments with well-informed people of goodwill, you will probably ‘lose’ half of them–changing your mind based on what you’ve learned. If you’re not changing your mind, it’s likely you’re not actually having an argument (or you’re hanging out with the wrong people.) While it can be fun to change someone else’s position, it’s also a gift to learn enough to change ours.

The toddler puts on a show of having an argument, but they are holding a tantrum in reserve. If they ‘win’ the argument, no tantrum is needed. If they lose, they can tell themselves that they tried but the other person deserved the tantrum because they didn’t listen.

“Tell me about other strongly-held positions you’ve changed as the result of a discussion like this one…” is a direct way to start a conversation about the argument you’re proposing to have. “What sort of information would make it likely you could see this in a different way?”

It probably doesn’t pay to argue over things we have chosen to believe as part of our identity.

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