For the first half of my childhood in suburban Ohio, we lived next to Bob.
Bob and his wife were a kind, reserved older couple who decorated their home mostly with crucifixes and talked about Jesus a lot. Bob helped my mom with a lot of common household tasks after my dad died. When she woke up to a small fire on our deck, she didn’t call the fire department — she called Bob.1
I never learned any of Bob’s political views, though I can make some guesses in retrospect. They never mattered. He was just our neighbor.
We later moved, and hit the neighbor jackpot with Van.
Van was deeply kind, generous, and friendly — the sort of neighbor everyone wishes for. In my lazy teenage years, he’d often mow our lawn or shovel our snow for us before I even woke up. As his mobility later declined, I was honored to return the favor.
Van and his delightful wife passed away years ago, before I learned how either of them felt on any political issue.
If they were my neighbors today, how likely would that be?
* * *
If I learn today that my neighbors have political views that my “side” considers unacceptable and unforgivable, should I be able to have dinner at their house, shovel their snow, or even greet them outside?
Should I be condemned for supporting or associating with them in non-political contexts?
Should I be condemned for not publicly condemning them myself?
While privilege and power dynamics play a complex and unavoidable role in this, I don’t want to associate with any community that would insist on either of those.2
And I can’t help but feel that maybe we were better off before we knew everyone’s hot takes on everything.
The town coffee shop was just a coffee shop. We weren’t publicly shamed for going there because one of the owners was an ass. It was just a place to hang out with our friends.
Our casual work friends were just casual work friends. We didn’t expect them to take positions on the world’s most complicated conflicts. We could just talk about weather and TV shows, and maybe sometimes get a beer after work.
And our neighbors were just our neighbors.