我们总有未竟之事。
We Always Leave Things Unfinished

原始链接: https://bigreaderbadgrades.substack.com/p/we-always-leave-things-unfinished

这篇文章记录了近期对著名作家威廉·T·沃尔曼(William T. Vollmann)在其家乡萨克拉门托的一次深度访谈。面对癌症晚期的诊断,以及化疗带来的身体和认知上的持续影响,沃尔曼坦诚地谈到了笼罩他日常生活的“迷雾”。 谈话的核心围绕着他那部巨著——新小说《财富之桌》(*A Table for Fortune*),他将其视为自己的“巅峰之作”。在回顾生平和职业生涯时,这位曾经多产的作家表示,他已放弃了长期的历史项目《七个梦》(*Seven Dreams*),因为他意识到,余生更适合投入到篇幅较短、易于掌控的非虚构写作中。 沃尔曼曾以深入全球危险地带进行报道而闻名——从战区到核辐射区——如今的他依然思维敏捷、关注现实,但重心已有所转移。他谈到了失去女儿的悲痛,对唐纳德·特朗普等政治人物的鄙夷,以及他希望与持不同观点的人保持“朋友”关系的愿望。最终,沃尔曼表达了一种深刻的平静与感恩。虽然他承认有些工作注定无法完成,但能完成自己的代表作让他感到满足。他以一种既玩世不恭又优雅从容的态度,反思了自己的终局。

```Hacker News最新 | 过往 | 评论 | 提问 | 展示 | 招聘 | 提交登录我们总是半途而废 (bigreaderbadgrades.substack.com)13 分 | bryanrasmussen 发布于 2 小时前 | 隐藏 | 过往 | 收藏 | 1 条评论 帮助 bobbytheblkbear 9 分钟前 [–] 我很欣赏照片里的细节,居然保留了当事人那些古怪的性癖好。看到一篇关于某个有怪癖的家伙做着些无人关心之事的冗长、啰嗦且散漫的文章,总是挺有趣的。我想如果是在亨特·S·汤普森(Hunter S. Thompson)30多岁左右、还没有互联网的那个年代,写这种文章或许还有意义。但现在我实在看不出意义何在。这篇关于某件不值得一读之事的文章太长了。任何花时间阅读它的人,生活品质都会因此而下降。回复 指南 | 常见问题 | 列表 | API | 安全 | 法律 | 加入 YC | 联系 搜索:```
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原文

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He doesn’t have a cell phone or use the internet so it takes a week to get the answer but finally his publicist comes back with a politely breathless email confirming that, yes, if I can make it out to Sacramento next week William T. Vollmann will meet me at 9 a.m., June 23, at a small coffee shop that’s been built into an unsuspecting structure and then from there we can walk to his studio, hang out til around noonish.

It’s June 15th.

I start reading his new novel, A Table for Fortune. It comes out in August. It’s 3,096 pages. Calling around, preparing the article, I mention to sources that I’ll be flying out and interviewing Vollmann. A source implores me to read as much as I can. Says they saw someone talking with Vollmann, pretending to’ve read the whole book, but then got outed. I ask if Vollmann was angry. They wouldn’t say angry, no…more like “visibly upset.”

I read faster.

It’s about a CIA intelligence analyst. His name when he’s home is Elliott Stevens but at Agency HQ his name is DAVE (all caps). He was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. He has a genius IQ and photographic memory. He comes home and settles down with his all-American girlfriend Sally. He lusts after his sister-in-law. He reads reports. He promises things to his wife without much intention of honoring them: a vacation, a new house, a child. She bores him. He loves her.

It’s about the world slowly changing as you go about your job.

It’s gripping, complicated, entangling.

There’s no chance I will finish in time.

The book’s editor, Isaac Morris, explains over the phone how A Table for Fortune is divided into basically two hemispheres: DAVE’s, at the CIA, and later on the life of his less-intelligent but more empathic son Matthew.

It’s the latter part where he feels the most moving material, the heart of the book.

I tell him I can only read so much before the interview. Should I skip Volume Two and read some of Matthew?

He says if I’m really short for time, and want a thorough sense of how the book works, then yeah, I might want to jump ahead.

I cross the country and get to the coffee shop at 8:45 and he’s there already, dark jeans with a black windbreaker, typing in an armchair. He studies me from a few paces as I go toward him. Hackles up. Thirty years ago while researching a novel in the arctic his sleeping bag caught fire and his eyebrows have never grown back but I can see a slight pale ridge lifting with welcome once my hand is out.

Vollmann shuts his laptop. Goes quickly to his feet with an “oh hi” and other niceties, knees bent and arms kinda wide like a gunslinger.

There’s an empty mug beside his chair. He’s been here a while.

I’ve only read 700 pages.

Vollmann bags his things while I buy a Pellegrino and then join him in the dining room. Awkward in our backpacks til he leads us out to the sidewalk and I ask what he was working on.

“I’m doing this piece about Cuba for Granta.”

It’s a shady suburban-ish street full of walk-ups. He tells me about interviewing people around Havana and how they’d hide their faces or ask to stay off-camera while telling him how bad the fuel crisis has gotten. The average bus is three hours behind schedule, so they’ve got these special white buses so that “at least the doctors and nurses can get to the rat-infested hospitals on time.” At one point he felt guilty at being driven around so he could conduct his reporting but then a taxi driver told him, in confidence, that for him, personally, it makes more sense to sell his monthly fuel allotment, on the black market, than to fill up his car and try to shuttle a living.

Vollmann moves quick and tilty up the sidewalk. Our elbows graze and his windbreaker says “vwip,” “vwop,” the walk feeling almost like a jog until finally he slows, we’re getting ready to jaywalk, and as he leans out, checking both ways, he apologizes about moving so slowly.

“I have cancer.”

What makes the Cuba situation so “sad” (and he does keep calling it sad despite the swell of what looks like anger) is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Mexico wants to give them oil. The island could bounce back in a few weeks. But Donald Trump signed an executive order imposing tariffs on any country that sends oil to Cuba.

“I was just so disgusted and ashamed of our country to see all these heaps of garbage that can’t be picked up, cuz there’s no fuel,” and so residents are dragging their trash outside to the street and burning it in piles. “You’re breathing the smoke of garbage. And there are these people bending over through the smoking garbage trying to find food. So we’re uh,” blinking like to ground himself, facing forward and switching to his prose voice, that monotone, “we’re really making Cuba great again,” irreverent.

No sense getting worked-up about these things.

“I’ll be dead very soon.”

“Chemo mind” keeps him in a fog. The cancer causes pain such that he can hardly sleep. “Last night I got about an hour.” When he finally got up he had to take an opioid, which makes him “fuzzy.” All of this is compounded by the medical marijuana that’s proven a great help but leaves him kinda fried. “I couldn’t believe, after a couple weeks in Cuba, how much sharper I was, mentally, because all I had was my opioids.”

Hence he’s not tangled in any big fiction project right now. For nearly 40 years he’s been working simultaneously on each volume of a sprawling septology, Seven Dreams. It tells the history of the North American continent. Volume Five, The Dying Grass, came out in 2015. Reviews were glowing. The Washington Post called it “the reading experience of a lifetime.”

But every book since then has been a problem: too many pages, too many fonts, the title’s controversial, there’s too much math; releasing a two-volume art book in 2022, with a pair of understaffed indie publishers, Vollmann kept getting galleys sent back with typos throughout, shoddy production quality on the photos, publication running a year behind schedule. He doesn’t have the time for it anymore. He’s working on two short books right now: one’s a long personal essay, the other one’s literary criticism. Straightforward stuff. There’s no mention of fiction.

“Do you feel any pressure to finish Seven Dreams?”

“I’m not gonna touch it.” Resigned and certain. He says finishing even one of the two remaining volumes would likely take “more time than I have left.” Plus the fights it’ll prompt with his publishers. “About a quarter of the last one is completed, and then much less of the other one.”

“I don’t want it to come out looking like a piece of crap so,” he flaps a hand, hits a thigh, “just forget it.”

He shows me a wall with a long art sequence called “CUNT,” with a collection of other paintings beside it: nudes and studies, bodies warped and accurate, writhing or posing. The display is a proud one. He seems happy to show me.

Above the paintings there’s a shelf with a row of framed photos. Artful black and white from reporting trips around the world. Vollmann himself in drag as “Dolores.” A Black soldier. A woman cradling one child on her hip while holding the hand of another. His daughter Lisa in a school photo, smiling.

The illness didn’t feel like much of an obstacle in his Cuba trip, though he did worry about getting detained someplace, his opioids stolen.

In 2024 Granta was planning to send Vollmann to Tajikistan.

“That’s when my cancer came back.”

So they waited a year. When he was clear to travel, they proposed sending him to Iran. He was interested in seeing the Strait of Hormuz.

But unlike his earlier war reporting—in Bosnia, Iraq, Somalia, Ukraine, the DMZ, to name a few—he’s budgeting his energy. Assessing his comfort. “I looked at [the Iran trip] and thought, ‘No. I don’t want to fly into Tehran and then go all the way across the country, to the Strait of Hormuz, getting insulted and detained and threatened, [and] maybe never even get[ting] there.” Hence: Kuwait. It’s nearly a thousand miles from Hormuz, but it made more sense. “I’m getting sickerrr, I tire more easilyyy, I can’t run as faaast…”

We pass a youngish couple walking their dog and Vollmann jolts his voice for a cheery good morning, which they return, and we keep on walking.

“It may be the last of these war things I can do.”

Granta offered him some easier topics. Cryogenic immortality was one. He mulled it over and told them, “Y’know, I just don’t care about those rich people, and I probably wouldn’t have a nice enough necktie to talk to them.”

Passing a homeless guy with a hoodie and aimless red-eyed shuffle Vollmann jolts his voice for a cheery good morning. The man blinks. Pauses. Watches us pass. “Mornin.”

He’s writing the Cuba piece across three documents. He opens his laptop and checks the wordcount for me: 32,000.

Ambivalent frown as he shuts it: “So that’s not such a long article.”

He knows they’ll cut it down but, contrary to a reputation for being difficult with publishers (“that craphead Vollmann,” he calls himself), he’s not bothered. “Why not be a compliant prostitute?” A magazine isn’t presenting itself the way a publisher does. “They don’t pretend [this article will be] the ideal length that’s gonna make this piece shine. It’s the length that works for them, based on the number of ads they have.” Plus he can always take the whole unexpurgated draft and use it in a book.

He’s working on two nonfiction books that’re nearly complete but otherwise feels no stress about what’s left behind. His voice gets tighter as he talks about things he’s leaving in the drawer. “They’ll either come out or they won’t, and,” pausing, his voice breaking, “I’ve done a lot of what I set out to do in my life.”

Does A Table for Fortune feel like a crowning achievement?

“Yeah. It does.”

He asks me, “How do you like Sacramento?”

“I’ve never traveled this far.”

“Oh!” Pale ridge raised.

I tell him it’s a nice quiet place but really it just seems quiet. Lettered cards in a second-floor window spell F U C K and then I C E underneath it. Intricate murals on the sides of squarishly huge buildings preside over streets with no traffic or pedestrians. The two-car light rail skakunking and chiming throughout the day, more heard than seen; when it finally comes gliding around a corner its windows are so tinted I can’t tell if anyone’s inside.

Vollmann leads us into an alleyway and it seems like a shortcut but no he stops at a gate and I realize this is the former Mexican restaurant Ortega’s that he bought in 2000 and converted into a studio. The building is closed-in with a tight perimeter of chainlink fence.

Someone down the alleyway sees us and steps behind the building.

Keys jangle and scrape and a latch snaps and Vollmann holds the gate open so I can step through and then he follows, turning in the process, clacking it shut right behind him and locking it. When he moves toward the studio’s door I step aside too eagerly and find my face real close to the spirals of razor wire bundled frothy and low along the fence. From six inches I’m surprised to see that the razors resemble the ones they put in my box cutter at work.

The studio is dark like a tunnel. It smells like tools and carpet. Then he hits the lights and every inch seems bright. The windows are boarded and covered with bookcases. He goes to straighten something behind what used to be a bar and I start taking out my equipment. When we’re not talking we can hear people through the back wall. There’s an argument. They’re dragging something heavy over pavement.

After a chat he gives me a tour through every room and highlights some of the images that cover each wall. Photo portraits of women posing shoulders-back and serious. Two guys conversing, shot from below, some sort of power dynamic implied. There might be more breasts than faces.

In the dark room I’m looking around at his equipment and it seems untouched. He says the chemicals make him sick lately. Taped to a wall above the countertop is an advertisement for wigs. It shows a Black woman, smiling, staring at something 45 degrees off-camera; her image is recreated, eight or ten times, with a different wig in each one. I point to the advertisement and ask if it has anything to do with his cross-dressing alter ego Dolores. He says no. I ask if it’s a reference sheet for something he’s working on and he says no. I ask if he just likes this advertisement showing a woman wearing ten different wigs and he says basically yes.

As we’re setting up for the interview I hold up the Pellegrino can and ask where to throw it away.

“Um,” he takes the can, gentle and friendly, “let’s just put it someplace that we’ll remember to grab it on our way out.” The next day at the airport I’ll remember that he spent a dozen years working on a two-volume opus about climate change, called Carbon Ideologies, in which he flashes contempt for the phrase “throw it away,” and how we all indulge this cozy abstract location—“Away”—which almost certainly, in the speaker’s mind, does not suggest a mile-wide landfill, swarming with pollutants and illness, crowned in the sun with a winking Pellegrino.

Earlier, while walking, I asked about the extent to which he still lives with a subject after writing a book about it; roughly a dozen years of travel and research and reporting, for instance, went into Carbon Ideologies, for which he traveled out to Fukushima’s radioactive “red zone,” dressed in plastic gloves and a face mask, where he saw weeds uprooting the sidewalks and wild boar clicking along unhurried through desolate city streets. He learned that “one of the crazy things about being a nuclear refugee is that you are still on the hook for the mortgage of your radioactive house.” That book is almost ten years behind him. Are the facts he learned still part of his daily thinking?

He tells me yes and no. That he’s loosened up a bit.

“There’s no rush for a solution,” he says of the climate apocalypse, “because it’s too late.”

DAVID GREENE: William Vollmann, I’m just curious. I mean, last time we spoke, we talked about how the FBI thought you might be the Unabomber. You’ve traveled with the Mujahideen. You’ve smoked crack with prostitutes in California. I mean, you have a certain style of sort of your reporting where you want to be in the middle of something, so to speak. And here, you’re exposing yourself to radiation. I mean, what drives you?

VOLLMANN: Well, one time I read an E.O. Wilson book about the ants….He says that it’s common in ant colonies for the older female ants to take more and more risks. They’ve already reproduced, and if they don’t come back, it’s no real loss to the ant colony. And I’m an older person. I’m 55. I’ve reproduced. I’m going to die in any event, so I have less to fear. And I would really like to try to do some good in the world before I die and, you know, if I get cancer as a result, it’s no real loss.

—NPR Morning Edition, 2014

Vollmann twists and tugs free of his jacket and sits on the far end of a brown futon with faded leather. It’s bent more like a chair than a flat surface but not by much. He crashes at the studio for a couple days or a week at a time. I figure the futon is where he sleeps but later he shows me the bedroom: a lamplit room with a bare white mattress with a crumpled sheet next to the meat cooler.

There’s a MENS and WOMENS restroom door and he’s painted naked people on both. One has a shower, and the other a toilet, and above the toilet are six tall black-and-white photo prints showing topless women and a muscular cross-dresser looking pretty, stern, strong, lonesome on a bar’s corner stool.

On the futon he sets the Pellegrino at his foot and leans back, legs crossed, while I set up my recording equipment: a Chromebook on the seat between us, recording just for backup audio, and a lav mic clipped to his collar. Arms in his lap, crossed at the wrist.

We talk a little more about Cuba, the piece he’s writing, each involving oil and Donald Trump. I’ve been following Vollmann’s work for twenty years and never heard him speak in the recent register. Peppered through conversation are nasal-earnest invocations of “the founders,” pledges to the effect of “I love our country,” the exhortation of “soft power” that America once exuded around the globe and that Trump, singlehandedly, has squandered: cuts to foreign aid, threats and insults to allies, persecution of minorities. “As Franklin said: ‘Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God.’ And I hope we rebel against this sacka shit.”

His left hand drifts and stands on its fingers beside the Chromebook like a spider.

Over the next two hours it’s the only part of his body in the shot.

“This is the end.” The characteristic irreverence gone from his voice. “This is the end of America as we know it.”

If things are going to change, he says, the first thing that has to happen in America is we all need to establish a set of foundational truths. Measurable things about the world that everyone can agree on.

“Did you ever see this book, The Commissar Vanishes?” He sits up and glances over his shoulder, scoots forward on the futon. “Let me see.” Curls and pushes himself up. His gait’s a little stiff. “I might have it right here…” Circling the futon, tilting at the waist, he scans his bookcases. They’re packed and flooded. Paperback spines say CIA in different decades’ typefaces. The nicer hardcover tomes isolated in a tall skinny case. Names like HITLER and STALIN and LENIN float like gnats among the shelves. I ask if these make the brickwork of A Table for Fortune.

“Uh,” snapping upright and doubletaking to see which ones I’m looking at, “there’s–” short of breath, preoccupied, “[some] were for Rising Up and Rising Down, um,” bending again, “darn it,” scanning titles with his finger now but hastier, “gimme one more sec to look,” zeroing in, “I’m pretty fried,” but after a beat he seems to pass it up, “anyway,” still looking at the shelves but sorta drifting back toward the futon, “it’s all…before-and-after Stalinist pictures,” but then he pauses again. Stares hard at the shelves. “I’m sure it’s here, so…yeah gimme one more second cuz I’d like to show you…” Head cocked. Little flicks of his nose show where he’s looking.

He doesn’t find it.

“Sorry.” Drops down on the futon. “That’s how I am now. I’m just a very stupid old thing,” chuckling about it, “oh well,” but the chuckle is a neat ha ha, spoken like words, “so it goes,” folding himself into the earlier position. Tense as he holds it. Like he might actually jump back up and keep looking. He explains that the book shows a sequence of photos, spanning decades: the first is Lenin with four lieutenants. One of them gets purged. So the next photo is Lenin with three lieutenants. Finally it’s a photo of Lenin standing by himself.

An hour later, a dozen topics down the line, he’s telling me about “this chemo mind thing,” how it isn’t just confined to the period of your treatment. That he hasn’t quite recovered from it. He touches his face, “The way I’m bumbling around,” and throws another crooked glance at the shelf, “I should be able to find that book The Commissar Vanishes,” his tone gets a flash of severity, “it’s probably right here,” and then relaxes.

“It’s just,” then a small pause, a breath, “I’m that way more and more.”

When we get to talking about the new novel I mention I’ve only read “most of two volumes” and Vollmann says, “Oh!” He nods once, at a table across the room. Stares at it. “Good for you.”

One aspect of US foreign policy he was most excited to explore, with A Table for Fortune, was American meddling in Angola during the Cold War. The CIA facilitated armaments and aid to revolutionary groups fighting the Russians, double-dealing in some cases; the goal, as he puts it, was to simply “bleed” the Russians. Exhaust their resources. Keep them overwhelmed.

“If you’ve read the first two volumes,” he tells me at the half-hour point, “then you know about Gerald Bull,” i.e., the Canadian engineer who designed weapons during the Cold War; he’s described, on NASA’s website, as “the most brilliant artillery scientist of the twentieth century.”

Vollmann, invoking the name, pauses to let me nod my assent.

Which I do. But I hedge. “Well so I, I, I…” and clarify that I read Volume One, or I mean part of Volume One, to get a sense of what the father’s life is like, and then jumped to—and again: only half—I jumped from Volume One to Volume Three.

“Oh!” He rolls his head forward. “OK. Alright.” Stares at the long table piled with books. “Well.” Looks my way. “That’s probably good enough, huh?”

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