“[Nvidia CEO] Jensen Huang Is Begging You to Stop Being So Negative About AI” — Headline from Gizmodo

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Guys, enough is enough. Bullying is a serious issue, and it’s time for me to speak out. There’s an extremely hurtful narrative going around that my product, a revolutionary new technology that exists to scam the elderly and make you distrust anything you see online, is harmful to society. This slander is totally unwarranted, and I would really appreciate it if everyone would stop being so mean about this thing I just invested a billion dollars in.

As someone who desperately needs this technology to work out, I can honestly say it is the most essential tool ever created in all of human history. Don’t mercilessly ridicule it just because it steals the joy out of your hobbies and creates sexually explicit images of women without their consent. Seriously, please stop! It really hurts my feelings.

It’s easy to throw stones if you think about the job displacement and ecological destruction caused by this pointless technology. But such black-and-white, not-wanting-billionaires-to-get-richer thinking is, quite frankly, cruel. You can’t just measure the value of something in terms of “whether or not it makes everything worse for everyone.” The world is much more complicated than that.

This technology is going to fuel innovation across industries and solve all problems of feminism and equal rights. Yes, it’s expanding the surveillance state, and yes, it’s destroying the education system, and yes, it’s being trained on copyrighted work without permission, and yes, it’s being used to create lethal autonomous weapons systems that can identify, target, and kill without human input, but… I forget my point, but ultimately, I think you should embrace it.

Lately, I feel like I just can’t win with you guys. Please, just use my evil technology. What’s so wrong with that? Just use it. I’m begging you. I want to continue living my immoral technofascist life without any criticism.